Something to learn

I am trying self-reflect and figure out what there is to learn about my love for him.

For sure, it is love. Cleary nothing similar to what I would feel for a person I would have physically by my side. However, there are those sensation in my body and the smile I have when I think of him or my heart beat accelerating when I see his face. Clearly my mind and body are trying to tell me something. Unfortunately, I am unsure about what it is and what to learn from it.

For sure, it shows me that I am ready to love no matter how scared I am to be hurt. I have love to provide. I am caring, understanding and benevolent. I always listen when somebody is willing to speak up. I know that I have valuable things to bring in a relationship.

However, I am scared to not find a match. To not find a man who is strong enough to face me, challenge to have this relationship where we both will grow and benefit from each other. I am also scared to find that man somehow too late. When my clock will stop ticking. When no matter how good the relationship is we will not have kids together. I see how selfish it might sound to want to be the woman thanks whom

a man becomes a father. I wish to be someone wife, mother of his children. I wish to be called "mommy" one day. I wish to say "I introduce you my husband". I wish to have a ring on it as Beyonce said. I am good enough for all of this. And I wish someone to see it.